Dear College Girls

Dear College Girls,

It's been a long three months since I've seen you. I hope you all had wonderful summers. Why, mine was fabulous, thank you for asking. As much as I dread returning to a world where I have to think critically and produce coherent thoughts, I do look forward to our reunion. And yes, that includes you tall sassy things who reach for those Annenberg ranger cookies above my shoulder when I'm standing in front of you in line. I foresee another memorable and fun-filled year ahead of us, whether or not you decide to invite me into your lives. Because my idea of memorable and fun is often at odds with the mainstream college culture. And that's ok. This isn't about me. This is about you.

You see, I am no meteorologist but I do possess an acumen about a very similar topic - the tempest of emotions. And I am forecasting a very active dating season coming up. For those of you lucky enough to be committed in long-term relationships already (who considers the situation lucky is anyone's guess), chances are that you haven't had the chance to see him regularly over the summer. And if you have, most of your girlfriends didn't see you guys making out so what's the fun in that? For you, the number one priority upon arriving on campus is to evaluate the status of your current relationship. Is he still worth your time when other guys have added ten more pounds of muscle and new swag? If yes, does he think you are still worth his time? And all the single ladies out there, you are just about dying to get your hands up to some dirty Weezy shit. Maybe some of you got a quick summer fix from hitting the clubs and your homeboy's house parties a couple times but you know you can do better in fall 2010. In the offseason, you made some key acquisitions like new mascara and flatter stomach. You are ready to wake up from the estivation of passion and make a splash in the dating scene in a big, big way.

Ok, I am exaggerating. Not all of you are starved for lovin'. Some of you will be just fine with those ranger cookies. But we really are due for a flurry of activity. And what saddens me is that chivalry will have little to do with it. Dave Chapelle is right. Chivalry is dead. I don't know how long college dating has been this way, or who killed it, but the fact of the matter is, hooking up is currently the customary way to meet desirable partners however long they fulfill that role. To be honest, girls, I don't know how I feel about it. On one hand, it seems incredibly shallow and inane. I could never bring myself to share moments of intimacy with people I hardly know. The idea of drinking until one loses control and awareness, in full anticipation of a higher susceptibility to this behavior, seems particularly pathetic. On the other hand, it is a very effective system in theory. You meet a lot of people, fast. There is no established friendship to salvage, no difficult emotions to confront. And there is very little misunderstanding to be had. Everyone's pretty much on the same page. Like molecules, you collide frequently enough and you'll get some chemistry going.

I like chivalry, but I'm not about to tell you girls whether or not to be shallow. That's deep personal shit you have to ponder for yourself. But I do want to give a piece of grandfatherly advice. Do yourself a favor and remember that you are all special and beautiful people with wonderful things to contribute to the world and your future lover. Don't let anyone take that away from you. As human beings, we are naturally prone to feeling self-conscious, unloved, and just not good enough. I am here to tell you that there are at least two people in the world who think you are good enough. That's Jesus and me. I think that just about sums up the people whose opinions matter. So the next time a guy makes you feel insecure, please don't go around offering your vagina to whoever wants it. And please don't retaliate against the male race by becoming mean, conniving, and irrational lovers. It's natural to act out when you don't feel loved, but it's not worth your dignity. Talk it out with your girlfriends and get some fried chicken. As long as you are relatively nice and sane, you will meet that special person.

This will most likely be my last post until January and I hope the next time I write, you will write back telling me how happy and confident you are, committed or single. Here's to a fun and generous dating season.

Sincerely,

Min