Thank You

Before I start, I thought two pieces of information would be worth sharing:

1) Remember my 40-year old Korean roommate from the summer sublet? Mr. Stoic Eyes and Grimly Set Lips? Mr. Threesome with Teddy Bears? Well he recently e-mailed me offering to share his place for the winter if I should happen to stay in Boston. In other words, he misses me. Did I tell you this guy was married? If I am able to complete the life of a married man who is halfway through his expiration date, imagine what I can do for girls my age. Eazy.

2) There is a Youtube video of Celion Dion's single "My Heart Will Go On" accompanied by footage from Titanic. It's 4 minutes and 26 seconds, and quite frankly, the most stirring, poignant 4 minutes and 26 seconds I have been a part of. Do you want to know whether love is real? Listen to my girl Celion testify. She says her heart will go on wherever you are. That's right - both near and far, boys and girls. Anyway I mention this because I recently found out that Titanic was actually a passenger steamboat and not some fancy cruise ship. So that means if Leonardo and Kate had made it, they might've actually started a family together in the U.S. I don't know, that really broke my heart.

Ok, now back to the present. I've been thinking hard the last couple days trying to sum up 2010 in some eloquent, bigger-than-myself commentary on our generation's zeitgeist, the kind of discourse about our identities, beliefs, and behavior set in the background of a supremely satisfying hope for progress that is at once sobering and uplifting. I wanted to deliver that deep, ethereal shit about our challenges and successes as a civilization that shakes you to the core, the ornate expressions and the vibe of interconnectedness (immigrants and black people, you too!) that make you think as you drive home, "Goddamn, the world is in good hands and I fucking love life." But I started thinking about 2010, and the first and only things that came to my head were people I should thank. And people I kind of love, to the extent that Min Lee can love. Which, in retrospect, got a serious upgrade for a reason I can't explain. I will remember 2010 as the year I really cared about people who deserved that from me a while ago, as well as the strangers who didn't. Because when I think about all people, good and bad, I can only wonder about the thoughts and emotions that cross their minds, the minds of which I know nothing about, and marvel at the seconds which turn into minutes which turn into hours which turn into days and years during which they grew, learned, and interacted, unbeknownst to me, to arrive at the moment of our encounter. Oddly, that fact strikes me as very beautiful.

So aside from thanking my awesome family and friends who have made this year and my life in general a pleasure to live, I am grateful for the following special people/entities, knowing I am making flagrant omissions:

-Harvard security guards and police department: There have been times, I admit, when I have seriously questioned your intimidation factor and physical ability to chase down younger scoundrels with fresher legs. And the litany of unsavory accident reports this year is certainly not encouraging. But I know you're always concerned about our safety and doing your best, and I appreciate the extra vigilance sent my way when I'm walking outside with my hamper at 3 a.m.

-Harvard dining/cafeteria staff: I still don't understand how pad thai can taste sour, and why General Gao's chicken and General Gao's sauce are served on separate days. But I know there is a method to your madness, and I certainly appreciate your sincere efforts to cater to the tastes of us Asian folks. Thank you for delivering the most nutritious and culturally sensitive menu possible. I love your tater tots and fried calamari. Cafeteria staff, thank you for always being courteous and friendly and asking us how our days are going - it's a great pleasure.

-Boston weather: Cloudy and rainy days here and there, lots of wind, and capricious as always, but a lot milder than the end of last year, me thinks. Also, you were beautiful in the spring and summer.

-Quad Life: Living in the Quad has been a terrible inconvenience at times, especially waiting for the shuttle in the winter. But I love my giant single where I can blast The Next Episode, and the unobstructed view of night sky from the Cabot yard. I am also thankful for the sense of community and removal from hubbub of Harvard Square, unique to the Quad.

-Drunk girls: I hate to say this but I absolutely love how I seem way more fucking awesome when you are intoxicated out of your minds. You always laugh even when I am not trying to be funny and give me hugs over and over, as if you are continually meeting me for the first time. I try to keep an eye out, though, because yes, bad things happen when you are drunk enough to mistake me for your dad.

-Server at Chipotle: I still haven't learned your name after all these visits but I am thankful for the generous portions of lime-cilantro rice, fajita vegetables, and marinated chicken, the deftness of your hands that leave them safely nestled in the embrace of mother tortilla, the casual inquiry about my interest in obtaining a cup of water, and the cheerful "How is your day going?" within the 10 seconds of wrapping the burrito in foil, placing it in the red basket, and processing my debit card payment. If you were a chick, I would've asked you out already.

-Atdhe.net: Thanks to your courageous defense of every human being's right to enjoy Laker games, I have not missed the fourth quarter of a single game this season. This also means I fail to get any work done from about 12 to 1 a.m. but hey, life is about setting priorities.

-Kobe Bryant: You nearly shot the Lakers out of their 2009 NBA Title and are sucking right now. But you are the reason I've been watching the Lakers for the last eleven years. As I've watched those pull-ups and fadeaways clink off the rim this season, I am realizing I took you for granted when those used to be automatic.

-LeBron James: Your unique brand of douchebaggery has made Kobe look like a saint. Thank you.

-And last but not least, my blog readers: "I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me."

Thanks y'all for a great 2010.

Being a Good Person

I know this isn't news to anyone, but I'm really an old man stuck in a 20-year old's body. Some of you know that I've been alive since 4000 B.C., when I had the all-important task of blessing the Nile and ancient people of Egypt with the vital force contained within my balls. But even if you don't, you are already familiar with my sluggish gait and weary gaze. For those of you who had the unenviable challenge of planning my surprise birthday party, you are well aware of the versatility of my blank face expression. And the last time I dreamed about touching boobies, Stephon Marbury was a decent basketball player and Pluto was still a planet. Good times.

So given my knack for finding stability in life, what happened this semester came as bit of a surprise. I thought I was done with this whole self-discovery business but boy, was I wrong. First came the realization that despite never having heard the word "spooning" prior to my trip to the Dominican Republic, I had been spooning a pillow for the past 15 years. This is convergent evolution at work, folks. Then came the discovery that auditory stimulus, particularly the voice of Mandy Moore, could enhance my ramen experience. I allowed myself to completely succumb to the two-pronged attack mounted by the sweetness of her disposition and the spiciness of Shin bowl, a combination so good it bordered on sexual. But perhaps the most significant change was gaining new insights into my lifelong goal of becoming a good person. I'm glad it happened because there is nothing that matters more to me.

Like most good things in life, morality is complex stuff. Many say it's a useful societal tool for human coexistence and may have been selected evolutionarily because social behavior in which personal desires and interests are held in check for the benefit of the group promotes survival and reproduction. Our collective moral consciousness, manifested in laws and social functions, thus helps ensure the well-being and equal treatment of individuals. Yet most of us would also agree that our identities - what makes us us - are entrenched in our unique sense of right and wrong. So even though we may be exposed to the same societal moral standards, we develop differing sets of values and can argue about them. And our behavior is motivated by the discerning power of our moral perspective, not the societal one. I think one can also talk about moral beliefs as those grounded in logical constructions or emotional appeal. For instance, I believe in government providing welfare programs because I know that human beings are born into positions of life that are inherently unequal, through no fault of their own. That would be primarily a logical stance. If I were given a knife and told to kill either a moving animal or a plant, I would choose the plant not because I believe the plant's life is worth more than the animal's, but because I would be less squeamish about killing the plant. That's a decision driven by emotion. Though the distinctions I have made - societal, individual, logical, emotional - are not mutually exclusive or set in stone, I mention them because I've forgotten one or quite a few in the past.

Back in high school, I really enjoyed volunteering, as I do now, even though I didn't think much about the societal impact of my work. There were teens at the Braille Institute, kids at the Boys and Girls Club, and elders at the nursing home who expressed their gratitude to me, and that was all the validation I needed to keep going. But if you had asked me about my future career then or even last year? Doctor, I would have said with some unease. The truth was, I was on the bandwagon without really thinking it through. I've always gravitated toward a career in medicine for no really good reason at all, except that I kind of like biology, doctors do some form of helping people while making good money. So in summary, I was confusing myself on multiple fronts. I had neglected to objectively and critically assess the impact of my service, complacent with the idea that I genuinely cared about the folks I was helping, and they genuinely cared back. And as for my career choice, I was basing the decision not on where my humanitarian contribution to the world can be the greatest - a logical approach that places the interests of others above mine - but on which career can bestow me comfortable living as well as the assurance that I was making a positive impact on the lives of others - a selfish delusion to grant myself just enough emotional satisfaction to evade the truth that I don't care as much about the world as I should. I needed to stop fooling myself.

Confronting these questions, though, didn't turn out to be easy. The beginning of my freshman spring semester, I fully immersed myself in volunteer activities eager to make solid, tangible contributions. The range of opportunities to do meaningful work available to undergraduates, I thought to myself, would far exceed anything I had seen in high school. To some extent, this was true. I've had the privilege of being a part of some amazing organizations that meet important social needs in a sustainable way. Yet the immediate gratification I had been seeking, that unequivocal desirable outcome arising from my efforts which would quickly feedback onto my conscience, was often missing. Keeping the homeless company at the shelter wasn't enough for me. Despite my share of small successes at LIFT, an organization offering one-on-one client service to residents in the Boston area who need services in employment, housing, and public benefits, I STILL have not helped a client find a job. And in my short stint as a suicide hotline volunteer, I have already caught myself wishing that someone who is acutely suicidal would call.

And as for my career choice? The insidious voice of "logic" mocked my decision to abandon a career in medicine.' If you could make a lot of money, you could put it to good use by donating to NGOs and charities,' the voice would whisper to me. 'How are you going to do good in this world if you don't have money? The world doesn't need your compassion or your unconditional respect; it needs your money. If you want to really help people, be a doctor. Doctors can actually save lives. Only doctors can actually save those malaria, HIV, and TB patients in developing countries. You can't even do CPR. But you know what, you have no reason to try to pick a career that helps people. You do realize that there are no careers designated for people helpers. You can become a rapper, businessman, basketball player, barber, singer, or writer, and you can still do good for other people. Are you saying these people are not as morally good or important to the world as your doctors and humanitarians?' Of course not, I would say. The voice is absolutely right.

The only way I can reconcile these competing voices inside my head - and I'm going to borrow the playbook of Confucius here - is to remember that the world is more than words and actions. A doctor's successful performance of a life-saving surgery, a wealthy investor's generous donation to international development agency, an undergraduate student's success in helping a client find a job - none of these is sufficient to claim that the individual is morally good. What matters more than observable accomplishments is one's character and inner condition. A truly realized person always makes genuine efforts to treat others the way he/she wants to be treated, always channels the sense of right and wrong in all things, small and big. A truly benevolent person never forgets the urgency of the struggle for a more just world. And when life doesn't yield the desired outcomes, one just has to keep going. A moral life is a daily and never-ending one, and I am fortunate to have many teachers along this journey. So here is a toast to an enlightening 2010, and a better Min Lee and a better you in 2011. Cheers!

Dear College Girls - Dec 2010

Dear College Girls,

Well, another semester has gone by since I last wrote, and as promised, I am writing again. For those of you who are done with finals, congratulations on surviving what seemed to be a mentally and emotionally exhausting semester for many of us. For those of you who are done with finals and took organic chemistry, congratulations on making it back to Earth safely. And the rest of you who still have shit to do, you are almost liberated so keep your head up. Whether you are heading home for the break or not, I hope you all take the time to sleep in, be titillated, and cuddle with animate or inanimate objects. I leave the order up to you.

For me, I will always remember this semester as a particularly laborious and tiring one, much more so than it looks on paper, and for a number of reasons I may or may not explain later. But let's talk about you, girls. I know we didn't get to talk a whole lot, and with some of you, I spent the whole semester trying to come up with a time we could meet for a meal. I apologize for my elusiveness, and the headache, coughing, and fever that some of you subsequently experienced as a result of the Min Withdrawal Syndrome. But even though we may have not talked much or seen each other often, don't think for a second that I was not concerned about you. I mentioned last time that I want all of you to be confident and proud females who understand the dynamics of college relationships and make sound decisions that sit well with you. For the most part, I saw this happening but there was one area of concern.

According to Wikipedia, the first evidence of leggings dates back to 14th century Europe. Both men and women wore them at the time, and because of their "warmth and protection", they were later adopted by French fur trappers, mountain men, and even Native Americans. I tend to believe that Native Americans probably were the first to craft these delicious skin huggers, perhaps using the fur of woolly mammoths, but you get the general idea. Leggings have been around for a while. So the apparent resurgence of gossamer goody in your closets doesn't surprise me too much, although I can't help but think that leggings nowadays confer more than just warmth and protection from the frigid Boston winds. Yes, they also look extremely velvety and probably offer a sensation superior to the one I had when I slept without a shirt on for the first time. That was about two weeks ago.

But I just want to say that you should not at all feel pressured to fit into a semi-translucent tube if you don't gain pleasure from the soft, warm fabric. Everyone wants to look good in public, but some of you put extra undue burden on yourself to look good in front of a particular male appendage. While this may achieve short-term gains (see: club floor), it really obfuscates your search for a genuine and loving partner, if you care about such a thing. All you are doing is selecting for a partner who loves your body and the way it fits into those leggings. Yes, the penis power only grows stronger as a result.

If you are still interested in putting together a provocative appearance, though, I humbly put forth the recommendation of hoop earrings. Let me first dispel a common myth: hoop earrings are not the exclusive cultural property of dwellers of Central and South America. It has merely been well observed that absolute sexiness is achieved when they don these aural treasures. Any patent that may have existed has now expired, and you are free to add hoop earrings to your apparel as well. The beauty of hoop earrings is that they single-handedly proffer a nuanced presentation of your character, projecting both elegance and sordidness, radiance of innocence and shadows of desire. When done right, they manage to convey a dignified, unassuming beauty while hinting at darker corridors that open to your soul. Kind of like yin and yang, really.

So why should you try hoop earrings? There is profuse evidence to suggest that organisms are hard-wired with sexual preferences for certain morphological traits. Female platyfishes, for example, are inherently more attracted to male platyfishes with long sword tails whether these tails are natural or not. Although lack of funding opportunities has prevented me from exploring the appeal of symmetric circular jewelry in humans, aside from consulting my own opinions, I strongly believe it is universal. More importantly, all of you have access to this advantageous trait. But because it can be difficult to navigate the tremendous variety of colors, sizes, and styles of hoop earrings, I have included videos that may help.

Rest up over this winter break, and I wish all of you a merry and safe holiday season. Until January, farewell my lovely boos.

Sincerely,

Min