Summer Song

So I've been watching some Dr. Phil lately. My snack time falls around 4 p.m., and there's really nothing good on TV since I don't have cable. Now, I've made fun of Dr. Phil in the past, but man, you have to watch the show to really get a feel for this guy. I understand a talk show based on giving advice to people is bound to be limited. You can only say so many original things to people on the show. But Dr. Phil takes it to the next level. He spends the first 30 minutes of the show exploring the facts of the case. Once he begins talking to the guests about their problems, he not only throws around platitudes like "You need to take control of your own life," but also harasses victims of the circumstances with childish questions. A few weeks ago, he invited three women who, despite being cheated on and abused by their partners, could not move on with their lives. Dr. Phil spent most of the time restating the facts of the case in a dramatic and disbelieving manner, relentlessly interrogating the women why they wanted to stay with their husbands. Now we all know that the women's behavior is irrational. This is nothing knew- we get it. What Dr. Phil needs to do is provide a supportive public forum where by confronting new questions, the victims can reevaluate their situation. They are on the show because they need concrete and detailed advice on getting out of their mess, not because they want to be bullied in front of a live audience.

Speaking of battered women, it really gets me when I hear about Latinas getting abused. It seems to be a cultural thing in Latin America. Males are supposed to be super macho, and it's acceptable for them to boss around the females. Girls grow up thinking it is natural to be mistreated and beaten by males, or they tell themselves they will resist the trend but somehow they end up in the same fate. You can even see it here as early as junior high or high school. Now if you consider the socioeconomic situation of many of these women/girls along with other social and psychological roadblocks so prevalent in their immigrant experience, it becomes clear that their chances of succeeding are handicapped. It's not a stereotype- facts are facts. I guess this is one reason why I am drawn to Latinas. I want so badly to see them break the trend in their families and rise against the odds. It is so empowering to see individuals work hard for their dreams and be rewarded what they deserve. So what does this have to do with my romantic exploits? Well, I could help out by tutoring the Latina on SAT's... that would be rewarding and romantic. Do I sound imperialistic?

I always talk about how old I am. Being 19, I have indeed seen much of the world and experienced a lot of things. But what makes me feel old is mainly this strange trait that has taken hold in me. I hardly feel any emotions anymore. My sensory neurons seem to still fire fairly quickly to external stimuli (my amazing sense of smell) but my emotional response to things has been somehow muted. There are many times in my life when I experience something and think to myself what I should be feeling logically. But the act of feeling is usually delayed or suppressed. Or it's just not as apparent as it used to be. This has been frustrating mainly because I have been making conscious efforts to "live it up" this year. I have tried to spend more quality time with friends and try new things. Yet I have found that none of it really makes me happy. I mean I can look back at the times and say "I had fun" but in truth the memories are dim and all I can remember is the passage of time. My first ever visit to Disneyland on my 19th birthday, for example. I was really looking forward to it because it's the happiest place on Earth and I had never been there. And when I got there, I can't say it disappointed me, but I just felt very empty (later I got really dizzy and sick but that was the deadly combination of teacup ride and turkey leg.) I can't really describe what it was, other than the fact that I couldn't get myself to be excited about it. I really hope it's not apathy. I really hope I don't have an icebox where my heart used to be.

Oh but one thing: that foolish infatuation thing is still in play apparently.

And now to finish my post, here are some lyrics from the song "Summer Song" by Atmosphere. It's quite amazing.

The sun is shining but I'm in the shadow of my smirk
I keep my breathin under my breath
Tucked within the untrimmed bushes next to her front steps
And when she leaves to make trek towards the bus stop
My love erupts (POPS) a thousand tiny blood clots
Damn I wish that she was mine but time and time over the discretion
On my right shoulder whispers to my ear
Advising me to admire from way over here, play the rear
And struggle for the view to clear
It's been 2 years and quite a few beers
Too many loose tears and a few souveniers
And if she only knew, how long I've waited for her
How her smiles enough to make my winter warmer
If she knew the way she walks could take away my storm
She'd probably call the cops and get a restraining order
As much as I hate myself, I hate you more
But I still smile when you come through that door
And as much as I hate my life, I hate yours too
Just can't seem to teach myself to ignore you
This is for the ladies, not every lady
Just the ones that drive me crazy, the ones that scream SAVE ME