I think I am in danger of getting B's this quarter or semester. I usually downplay my performance and abilities for various reasons but this time I'm pretty sure of it. I'm getting my ass kicked in pretty much all my classes. Maybe I am not investing as much time and effort into school as I should. But one thing I noticed is my brain just doesn't work the way it used to. My memory is feeble and my ability to process information has been significantly compromised. There was a time when I could do mental math much faster. My vocabulary was outstanding in eighth grade but slowly it's been declining. I honestly believe I've passed my prime. The regression started when I got DSL. When you can download at 150-200kb/sec, your brain stops giving a fuck.
Watching the election coverage has been fun so far. The VP debate was lame but Obama was impressive in his first bout with McCain. What has really pissed me off so far, though, is McCain's character issues. Like him or not, the guy is a liar. If you look at some of the ads he's run on TV, you would know what I mean. The sad thing is, many folks voting for him believe every word he says. They also watch Fox News and think Obama is Muslim. Every time I hear some of the McCain supporters' false characterizations of Obama, I get scared about the future of America. I really do. I have nothing against people who vote for McCain, but let's be clear. Make sure your decision is based on "the fundamental differences" and not some false rumor.
Now on to other things... A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to discuss the moral issue of suicide with others. Many said it is a cowardly act. Committing suicide is the ultimate form of giving up. I can certainly understand their perspective, and I think I would agree with them in cases where social obligations play an important role. If you are an integral part of another person's life, you are doing that person injustice. This is especially the case if you have financial obligations.
But I still don't think suicide itself is immoral. The funny thing is, I value human life more than anything else. I think the ideal democratic government does, too. The point of giving people so many rights and so much control is to respect the individual. But it is out of this respect that I say suicide is not immoral. You see, no matter how hard we try, we are never going to be able to understand another person completely. Human emotions are too complex. We can try to put ourselves in another person's shoes- and that's a good thing - but we are not going to understand every thought and emotion running through that person's head. I don't know what it's like to lose an immediate family member. I don't know what it's like to be robbed of everything I've got. For the purpose of my argument, it's impossible to imagine what a person contemplating suicide is going through. It's unfair, then, for me to judge that person's actions using my moral standards. From a logical perspective, also, I think every human being should have the right to take one's own life. None of us made the choice of being born in the first place so why should we force people to live?
Looking at the bigger picture, this addresses the question of how we determine what is right and what is wrong. If people like myself give an individual so much credit, the line between right and wrong gets blurred. This can lead to pretty shitty verdicts in our court systems. The determining factor for me is how the act committed affects other people. For suicide, the severity would depend on what kind of obligations the person had. But then again, that alone may not be enough. In the meantime, the best thing for us to do for people contemplating suicide is to try to give them hope, or at least a different look at life. That's our obligation.
Lately I've been noticing a peculiar trend in female clothing. Girls are now wearing pants that bear a certain logo or phrase on the backside. When they wear it, the words are often tautly stretched across the region, and the creases add an intriguing aesthetic effect. The letters undulate to the movement of the muscle, expanding then contracting, lenghtening then shortening. Momentarily the legibility of the word is hindered by the rippling folds, and then another step forward, you see it again. It's almost like a screensaver except it's happening live and you're not quite sure what you have to press to stop it. The first time I beheld this apparel, I was so fascinated by the movement of the letters that I forgot what I was looking at. When I realized, I was embarrassed and I've trained myself to look straight ever since.
But the task has been harder than I expected. It's not that the sight is sexually stimulating. I've had the pleasure of being exposed to more titillating scenery in my long lifetime. Besides, I never had the proper sexual drive instilled in me during development because I was exerting all my efforts into learning English. It's simply that peripheral vision kicks into gear when you spy the movement of an object. I can't tell you how stressful it is to walk behind a girl wearing one of these pants. As soon as I detect the apparel, I will stare straight ahead. But once you walk a certain distance, you start wondering what that shimmering word is. What has that female chosen to plaster on her curves? I strain my eyes to try to read the letters without directly looking at her anatomy, and soon I get dizzy. One time, I thought for sure the word read "Bitch" so I couldn't resist the temptation and I glanced over, but it was actually "Fitch" as in Abercrombie and Fitch.
Lately I've been playing a game called World Domination 2. It's a simple turn-based game where you war against up to three enemy nations. Interface is simple, and you basically build up your military by upgrading technology. But the variety of weapons is cool, and you also have to plan strategically to make sure you minimize your losses. Plus, propaganda and diplomacy are interesting features. The nations are represented by caricatures of their leaders (though Zimbabwe's leader seems to resemble Tsvangirai, not Mugabe).
In my first game, I was ambitious and I squared off against bin Laden, Kim Jong Il, Mugabe/Tsvangirai, and South Korea. Almost immediately, North Korea eliminated South Korea using rockets with bioloads, and I panicked. Kim Jong Il then offered me a deal where I would have to pay him $50 mil for him to not attack me for nine turns. I said screw that, and thankfully bin Laden began attacking him. But then bin Laden pulverized me in a few turns. In the next game, I picked U.S., Iran, Bin Laden, and Tony Blair as opposition. Amazingly, Bush and Ahmadinejad made a treaty in the first turn. I think they did it without precondition. But Blair was being a bitch and he rejected my diplomacy. Still, I made alliances with Bin Laden and Ahmadinejad and used propaganda to gather the greatest population. Then I eliminated each nation using submarines. Needless to say, I felt like I was on the top of the world.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
OMFG Update
I guess it's been a while since I've written. There is only one more week of summer left, and to be honest I am sort of hyped up for the senior year. I am looking forward to all the class activities. Yeah, I thought I would never say that.
My highlight of the summer was definitely spending the month of July at UCSD for COSMOS.
Some key moments:
-Remember how I talked about Black's Beach, the nude beach near UCSD? Well one class at COSMOS accidentally passed by the beach on the way back from a field trip (what a bad PR move) and found it was full of old naked white people. That's a Eurotrip moment. Yay!
-The last few days of COSMOS, a couple guys in my suite reported hearing a very scary and sinister laugh coming from god knows where past midnight. My roommate heard it around 1:30 a.m. and thought it was coming from a vent on the ceiling but we have no vents in our room. People got really freaked out, and I slept through it each time.
-Girls. Younger than 18. Off limits. Jonathan Chang thought they were hotter than girls he's used to seeing, but I didn't think so. Of course I am quite a connoisseur when it comes to the fine art of woman judging.
-During our four weeks, we had two mandatory COSMOS dances (dance, bitch!). The dances were nothing like I expected. I was really tempted to videotape the whole thing and show it to Mrs. Scott as a cultural exchange program. What happened was a mob of 40-50 people gathered in a tight circle in the center of the dance floor and started rubbing bodies against each other. I don't think it could be considered freaking because when you freak, you are usually aware of who you're interacting with. Not so in this case. This was just a giant orgy that I could not partake in because I was 18. Although... I did get freaked while drinking soda on the benches.
-My nickname. For the latter part of COSMOS, I was called the god of sex. If you are confused, check here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Min_(god)
-My professor was Dr. Carlos Vera. Bioengineering professor at UCSD with a Ph.D/M.D. He was probably the most intelligent person I've ever met. He was pretty shy and quiet but a really nice guy with a good sense of humor. He made us think out of the box and be innovative. He teaches at a medical school in Mexico every morning and then drives up to UCSD to do research. On the last day, he told me I would be an excellent scientist and that he was afraid I would love science so much that I would forget everything else in life. Definitely the biggest compliment thus far.
Yesterday when my dad came home from work, there was a pretty bad vibe between my parents as usual so I decided to take a walk around the apartment complex at night. It was the first time I had done that in a while, and it felt good. Every home has a a light hanging by the door, and when I am walking through the path lined by tall trees, it feels like I am walking in a giant forest and there are tree houses with lights. It's nice to walk by the lighted windows knowing that inside there's someone, someone like me. I wonder about what the people inside are doing and thinking. But they're surviving really, and it's a beautiful thing. I see a family sitting behind a blaring television in the living room and it makes me smile. Yesterday, there was a woman leaning out in the outside patio with a cigarette in her fingers. She was surviving too. You know what I love about airplane flights? When the plane is getting ready for landing and through the window, you see millions and millions of lights: street lights, house lights, car lights, building lights. Yeah you can talk about air pollution but it's a beautiful thing. For every light you see, someone is there. That's our civilization you see. It's like a person is standing there with a torch.
Listening to a section of Barack Obama's Q/A session at Saddleback, I was particularly struck by one thing he said. When asked why he wanted to run for president, he said that there was this American spirit of helping others. Cheering for the underdog. Believing that the person next to you can achieve their dream just like you can. And he wants to run for president because he thinks the U.S. is at a critical junction where this spirit might be in danger. I believe him. There is such a spirit at America, or at least I feel it. It's the American Beauty. It's a powerful, morally conscious, and incredibly benevolent force. Almost divine. And I also agree with him that the spirit is in jeopardy. There are both domestic and foreign causes for this. But our next president will help determine whether the spirit can live on. We are all human and one. PEACE.
Next entry: something about The Dark Knight
My highlight of the summer was definitely spending the month of July at UCSD for COSMOS.
Some key moments:
-Remember how I talked about Black's Beach, the nude beach near UCSD? Well one class at COSMOS accidentally passed by the beach on the way back from a field trip (what a bad PR move) and found it was full of old naked white people. That's a Eurotrip moment. Yay!
-The last few days of COSMOS, a couple guys in my suite reported hearing a very scary and sinister laugh coming from god knows where past midnight. My roommate heard it around 1:30 a.m. and thought it was coming from a vent on the ceiling but we have no vents in our room. People got really freaked out, and I slept through it each time.
-Girls. Younger than 18. Off limits. Jonathan Chang thought they were hotter than girls he's used to seeing, but I didn't think so. Of course I am quite a connoisseur when it comes to the fine art of woman judging.
-During our four weeks, we had two mandatory COSMOS dances (dance, bitch!). The dances were nothing like I expected. I was really tempted to videotape the whole thing and show it to Mrs. Scott as a cultural exchange program. What happened was a mob of 40-50 people gathered in a tight circle in the center of the dance floor and started rubbing bodies against each other. I don't think it could be considered freaking because when you freak, you are usually aware of who you're interacting with. Not so in this case. This was just a giant orgy that I could not partake in because I was 18. Although... I did get freaked while drinking soda on the benches.
-My nickname. For the latter part of COSMOS, I was called the god of sex. If you are confused, check here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Min_(god)
-My professor was Dr. Carlos Vera. Bioengineering professor at UCSD with a Ph.D/M.D. He was probably the most intelligent person I've ever met. He was pretty shy and quiet but a really nice guy with a good sense of humor. He made us think out of the box and be innovative. He teaches at a medical school in Mexico every morning and then drives up to UCSD to do research. On the last day, he told me I would be an excellent scientist and that he was afraid I would love science so much that I would forget everything else in life. Definitely the biggest compliment thus far.
Yesterday when my dad came home from work, there was a pretty bad vibe between my parents as usual so I decided to take a walk around the apartment complex at night. It was the first time I had done that in a while, and it felt good. Every home has a a light hanging by the door, and when I am walking through the path lined by tall trees, it feels like I am walking in a giant forest and there are tree houses with lights. It's nice to walk by the lighted windows knowing that inside there's someone, someone like me. I wonder about what the people inside are doing and thinking. But they're surviving really, and it's a beautiful thing. I see a family sitting behind a blaring television in the living room and it makes me smile. Yesterday, there was a woman leaning out in the outside patio with a cigarette in her fingers. She was surviving too. You know what I love about airplane flights? When the plane is getting ready for landing and through the window, you see millions and millions of lights: street lights, house lights, car lights, building lights. Yeah you can talk about air pollution but it's a beautiful thing. For every light you see, someone is there. That's our civilization you see. It's like a person is standing there with a torch.
Listening to a section of Barack Obama's Q/A session at Saddleback, I was particularly struck by one thing he said. When asked why he wanted to run for president, he said that there was this American spirit of helping others. Cheering for the underdog. Believing that the person next to you can achieve their dream just like you can. And he wants to run for president because he thinks the U.S. is at a critical junction where this spirit might be in danger. I believe him. There is such a spirit at America, or at least I feel it. It's the American Beauty. It's a powerful, morally conscious, and incredibly benevolent force. Almost divine. And I also agree with him that the spirit is in jeopardy. There are both domestic and foreign causes for this. But our next president will help determine whether the spirit can live on. We are all human and one. PEACE.
Next entry: something about The Dark Knight
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Summertime
I hope everybody's been enjoying their summer. I wish it were a little less hot for a change, but I guess people in Southern California can't complain about the weather. What I've noticed though is that there have not been very many days with that perfect blue sky. I remember in elementary school, I would go play basketball in the summer looking up at that assuring blue hue. Now it's an ugly bleached and lifeless blue, and the positive summer vibe is gone.
What would really restore that positive vibe is if the Lakers made a nice acquisition to bolster their chances of winning the championship next year. Bynum's return is going to make a huge difference, but the Lakers can still make some smart moves to get better. One would be trading away the weed-smoking Lamar Odom, the only player in the history of NBA to be labeled versatile despite playing with one hand. He's a great rebounder and passer but bringing in someone like Gerald Wallace or Ron Artest will increase our defensive intensity. And we could include Luke Walton or Radman as part of the deal. For god sakes, the Clippers are going to sign Baron Davis, and we have our sights set on James Posey.
For all of you going on family vacations to exotic destinations with exotic women wearing exotic clothes, I am jealous. And this statement, in no way, contradicts what I said in my previous post about my sexual drive being dulled by age. Remember that short story called The Most Dangerous Game? It's about General Zaroff, the ruthless hunter, who always tries to find more and more dangerous animals to hunt. Well that's sort of like me and women. I am always looking to challenge myself, and I think it would be pretty damn awesome to go around the world and have a deep conversation with beautiful women in each country. Nothing romantic or sexual. Just a deep conversation where we exchange our cultural juices and expose each other to different perspectives on life. Like Siddhartha said, I would be an eager pupil. But really, that's as far as the hunting analogy goes. I am not suggesting that finding beautiful women is like hunting and capturing animals.
Actually it turns out that I'm going to have much more fun at UCSD than I thought. Boawen informed me a couple weeks ago that there's a nude beach near the college campus. I looked it up online and sure enough, there is a nude beach nearby. The name of the beach, though, is slightly disconcerting- Black's Beach. I may not be allowed in after all. And even if I'm allowed in, I am not sure how I'm going to manage there.
On to other things... you know what word I really hate? Networking. What the fuck is that? To me, networking is everything that's wrong with human interaction. When you sign up for Facebook or Myspace, you have the option of saying you signed up for friends or for networking. I'm glad they differentiate the two. Networking is basically making new friends but doing so with the intention of somehow personally benefiting from the relationship. Networking is a corrupt version of making friends, like the skeeting bugs virus on my computer. It's artificial, contrived, and fake. It's about keeping in touch with people you know and actively befriending their acquaintances so that when there's ever a time you need something, you can ask. And sure, networking is one of those things you have to do in life. It's like having to put on a smile in front of teachers you dislike. And networking obviously has its benefits- you get hook-ups and you have a better chance of accomplishing what you want to do. And sometimes you will even make real friends in the process. But what I hate about networking is that your first and foremost intent is to benefit from the relationship, like a friend is a fucking investment. If you treat people with respect, appreciate them for who they are, and genuinely care about them, chances are
you are going to have a much more lasting and meaningful relationship. Nothing beats friends.
Lately I've been asking a lot of people about what careers they want to pursue. I'm just interested, that's all. My number one career choice is something in the field of natural sciences. Biology, biochemistry, medicine, something along those lines. But I told my mom that if I ever get tired of the schooling or the job, I'm going to be a barber. Maybe I'll go to occupational school for that and then just start working part time at a barbershop. But my dream is to one day open my own barbershop. That'll be so awesome. One day humans may come up with machines that give you the perfect haircut or hair styling and barbershops may become extinct. But I hope not. The job is really special if you think about it. It's one of the few human experiences that feels real... and human. As you are sitting on that chair watching your barber go at it, the barber starts talking to you. About the weather, about their children, about their favorite restaurants. Some barbers are more talkative than others, but they will at least ask you how you are doing. It's a place where you don't feel hurried or rushed. The barber's going to finish when it's finished, and you simply carry on that conversation as long as it lasts. In today's hectic society, not many places offer this refuge. And of course you get to come back in two or three weeks and you reconnect and learn even more about each other. We also take our barbers for granted- imagine if your barber quit all of a sudden. That barber knows your cranium like no one else and you don't want anyone else to cut your hair. That's what a good friend should be like.
What would really restore that positive vibe is if the Lakers made a nice acquisition to bolster their chances of winning the championship next year. Bynum's return is going to make a huge difference, but the Lakers can still make some smart moves to get better. One would be trading away the weed-smoking Lamar Odom, the only player in the history of NBA to be labeled versatile despite playing with one hand. He's a great rebounder and passer but bringing in someone like Gerald Wallace or Ron Artest will increase our defensive intensity. And we could include Luke Walton or Radman as part of the deal. For god sakes, the Clippers are going to sign Baron Davis, and we have our sights set on James Posey.
For all of you going on family vacations to exotic destinations with exotic women wearing exotic clothes, I am jealous. And this statement, in no way, contradicts what I said in my previous post about my sexual drive being dulled by age. Remember that short story called The Most Dangerous Game? It's about General Zaroff, the ruthless hunter, who always tries to find more and more dangerous animals to hunt. Well that's sort of like me and women. I am always looking to challenge myself, and I think it would be pretty damn awesome to go around the world and have a deep conversation with beautiful women in each country. Nothing romantic or sexual. Just a deep conversation where we exchange our cultural juices and expose each other to different perspectives on life. Like Siddhartha said, I would be an eager pupil. But really, that's as far as the hunting analogy goes. I am not suggesting that finding beautiful women is like hunting and capturing animals.
Actually it turns out that I'm going to have much more fun at UCSD than I thought. Boawen informed me a couple weeks ago that there's a nude beach near the college campus. I looked it up online and sure enough, there is a nude beach nearby. The name of the beach, though, is slightly disconcerting- Black's Beach. I may not be allowed in after all. And even if I'm allowed in, I am not sure how I'm going to manage there.
On to other things... you know what word I really hate? Networking. What the fuck is that? To me, networking is everything that's wrong with human interaction. When you sign up for Facebook or Myspace, you have the option of saying you signed up for friends or for networking. I'm glad they differentiate the two. Networking is basically making new friends but doing so with the intention of somehow personally benefiting from the relationship. Networking is a corrupt version of making friends, like the skeeting bugs virus on my computer. It's artificial, contrived, and fake. It's about keeping in touch with people you know and actively befriending their acquaintances so that when there's ever a time you need something, you can ask. And sure, networking is one of those things you have to do in life. It's like having to put on a smile in front of teachers you dislike. And networking obviously has its benefits- you get hook-ups and you have a better chance of accomplishing what you want to do. And sometimes you will even make real friends in the process. But what I hate about networking is that your first and foremost intent is to benefit from the relationship, like a friend is a fucking investment. If you treat people with respect, appreciate them for who they are, and genuinely care about them, chances are
you are going to have a much more lasting and meaningful relationship. Nothing beats friends.
Lately I've been asking a lot of people about what careers they want to pursue. I'm just interested, that's all. My number one career choice is something in the field of natural sciences. Biology, biochemistry, medicine, something along those lines. But I told my mom that if I ever get tired of the schooling or the job, I'm going to be a barber. Maybe I'll go to occupational school for that and then just start working part time at a barbershop. But my dream is to one day open my own barbershop. That'll be so awesome. One day humans may come up with machines that give you the perfect haircut or hair styling and barbershops may become extinct. But I hope not. The job is really special if you think about it. It's one of the few human experiences that feels real... and human. As you are sitting on that chair watching your barber go at it, the barber starts talking to you. About the weather, about their children, about their favorite restaurants. Some barbers are more talkative than others, but they will at least ask you how you are doing. It's a place where you don't feel hurried or rushed. The barber's going to finish when it's finished, and you simply carry on that conversation as long as it lasts. In today's hectic society, not many places offer this refuge. And of course you get to come back in two or three weeks and you reconnect and learn even more about each other. We also take our barbers for granted- imagine if your barber quit all of a sudden. That barber knows your cranium like no one else and you don't want anyone else to cut your hair. That's what a good friend should be like.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
End of Year
Well, we made it. I never thought this day would arrive, but we actually survived junior year at Oxford Academy. Congratulations to everyone. We have (only) one year left. And for Andrew, congratulations on entering college life.
I think we should take this time to look back at the pleasant memories from the year. Don't think back to the shoulda, woulda, coulda's - it doesn't matter now. Treasure the good memories and give yourself a pat on the back for a break well deserved.
Yesterday I went to go watch Kung Fu Panda with my homie Allula. It was a pretty good movie, considering I didn't know what to expect. The opening was the funniest scene in the movie because it was like hearing Will Trinidad talk. I won't spoil it for you by quoting the line. I went out to the movies with my Spiderman tee and Ecko jean-shorts (my "outfit", as Sheena would say). At school and the bonfire, people mentioned that the jeans were definitely cool. Especially the white pockets in the back. They really make my butt stand out by drawing attention to its toastiness and excellent protrusion. My butt is like an Ursa major in a clear summer sky. I think if I try hard enough, I can look like a centaur.
Anyway, an interesting incident happened when I stopped by Marie Calendar's after the movies to pick up a pecan pie. As I approached the entrance, I saw an old white couple and their family members starting to make their way out the door. The woman saw me and my outfit and eyed me warily for a second before turning her eyes away. I think she was suspicious of my character. So I quickened my steps toward the door and held it open before they had reached the door. The woman's eyes widened and she said thank you with the most surprised expression ever. I thought that was great. I am going to continue putting on this outfit when I go to places just to see what kind of reaction I get from people. But then again, maybe just as wrong as stereotyping other people is assuming that other people will make stereotypes. Whatever, I still like my applebottom jeans.
So I promised a post on girls last time I wrote. Unfortunately, I don't have much to say about them anymore. The strange thing about me is, I hit puberty when I was like in 3rd or 4th grade. So now I think I am at a stage where girls' attractiveness doesn't hit me on the head. No girl is too cute or hot or pretty anymore. (Been around the world, seen so many girls...) Starting a few years ago, I used to really dig girls with cool personalities (nice, honest, funny, etc) and I still do, but I think the immediate physiological effect of an encounter with a female has worn off now. I'm getting old. I am pretty sure it will take something special for me to fall in love with a girl again.
Not to make myself a fucking saint here but what I've discovered this year is that I have an irrational concern for the futures and well-being of girls who are cool. Remember that passage from Catcher in the Rye when Holden worries about Jane getting with Stradlater? That's the case for me. I am not concerned about the girl because I am jealous of her meeting up with another guy. I am concerned because she is cool and doesn't deserve to be treated like trash. I also have a tendency to think of girls as emotionally fragile and I always hope that they are protected from emotional hurt. Sometimes, this paternal instinct gets in the way of my interactions with those girls. In online conversations, it's easier/less awkward for me to ask them how they are doing or give them sincere encouragements/advice and stuff, but in real everyday interactions with someone, it's harder to do that. I joke around with girls most of the time and it's fun sometimes but really I would rather be listening to their problems and offering them my help rather than kidding around.
Anyway, on to other things... I suddenly remembered a conversation that I had with Vy , An's older sister, a while back. For anyone who doesn't know Vy, she's a true genius. She is two years up on me in the educational ladder, but she's still younger than me. She had a quote in her profile about how logic trumps feeling: "Reason is also our potential salvation from the vicious and precipitous mass action that rule by emotionalism always seems to entail." The rest of the quote had something about how making decisions based on logic is better than acting out of feeling. I agree with the quote in that logic is clearly the better choice in maintaining an organized society. Laws are possible because of reason, and they secure our cherished ideals like freedom and equality. Reason prevents unfair treatment of others- if all of us thought logically, we would have less wars, less misunderstandings, more productivity, better social relations, etc.
I can't help but think, though, that we should stop drawing such a stark line between reason and emotion. We should learn to employ a healthy dosage of both and not always in disparate situations. Reason teaches us to make the decisions that have the most favorable consequences by mathematical odds, proven cause + effect relationships, previous life experiences, etc. It increases the chance of us achieving the goals we want. For instance, if I'm trying to impress a girl and I know that she likes an apple-flavored perfume and she hates getting flowers, I'm going to make sure I wear an apple-flavored perfume and don't get her flowers. That will increase the chance of me hooking up with the girl. But notice how the reasoning process is directly linked to the emotion. Why am I trying to hook up with the girl in the first place? Because that's my goal. Why is that my goal? Because I like her. You can't use reason to explain that. Reason can tell you what decisions you should make but only your feelings can empower you with the ability to make those decisions.
I am going to be gone for the month of July to study bioengineering at UCSD... but let's hang out before or after then. PEACE.
I think we should take this time to look back at the pleasant memories from the year. Don't think back to the shoulda, woulda, coulda's - it doesn't matter now. Treasure the good memories and give yourself a pat on the back for a break well deserved.
Yesterday I went to go watch Kung Fu Panda with my homie Allula. It was a pretty good movie, considering I didn't know what to expect. The opening was the funniest scene in the movie because it was like hearing Will Trinidad talk. I won't spoil it for you by quoting the line. I went out to the movies with my Spiderman tee and Ecko jean-shorts (my "outfit", as Sheena would say). At school and the bonfire, people mentioned that the jeans were definitely cool. Especially the white pockets in the back. They really make my butt stand out by drawing attention to its toastiness and excellent protrusion. My butt is like an Ursa major in a clear summer sky. I think if I try hard enough, I can look like a centaur.
Anyway, an interesting incident happened when I stopped by Marie Calendar's after the movies to pick up a pecan pie. As I approached the entrance, I saw an old white couple and their family members starting to make their way out the door. The woman saw me and my outfit and eyed me warily for a second before turning her eyes away. I think she was suspicious of my character. So I quickened my steps toward the door and held it open before they had reached the door. The woman's eyes widened and she said thank you with the most surprised expression ever. I thought that was great. I am going to continue putting on this outfit when I go to places just to see what kind of reaction I get from people. But then again, maybe just as wrong as stereotyping other people is assuming that other people will make stereotypes. Whatever, I still like my applebottom jeans.
So I promised a post on girls last time I wrote. Unfortunately, I don't have much to say about them anymore. The strange thing about me is, I hit puberty when I was like in 3rd or 4th grade. So now I think I am at a stage where girls' attractiveness doesn't hit me on the head. No girl is too cute or hot or pretty anymore. (Been around the world, seen so many girls...) Starting a few years ago, I used to really dig girls with cool personalities (nice, honest, funny, etc) and I still do, but I think the immediate physiological effect of an encounter with a female has worn off now. I'm getting old. I am pretty sure it will take something special for me to fall in love with a girl again.
Not to make myself a fucking saint here but what I've discovered this year is that I have an irrational concern for the futures and well-being of girls who are cool. Remember that passage from Catcher in the Rye when Holden worries about Jane getting with Stradlater? That's the case for me. I am not concerned about the girl because I am jealous of her meeting up with another guy. I am concerned because she is cool and doesn't deserve to be treated like trash. I also have a tendency to think of girls as emotionally fragile and I always hope that they are protected from emotional hurt. Sometimes, this paternal instinct gets in the way of my interactions with those girls. In online conversations, it's easier/less awkward for me to ask them how they are doing or give them sincere encouragements/advice and stuff, but in real everyday interactions with someone, it's harder to do that. I joke around with girls most of the time and it's fun sometimes but really I would rather be listening to their problems and offering them my help rather than kidding around.
Anyway, on to other things... I suddenly remembered a conversation that I had with Vy , An's older sister, a while back. For anyone who doesn't know Vy, she's a true genius. She is two years up on me in the educational ladder, but she's still younger than me. She had a quote in her profile about how logic trumps feeling: "Reason is also our potential salvation from the vicious and precipitous mass action that rule by emotionalism always seems to entail." The rest of the quote had something about how making decisions based on logic is better than acting out of feeling. I agree with the quote in that logic is clearly the better choice in maintaining an organized society. Laws are possible because of reason, and they secure our cherished ideals like freedom and equality. Reason prevents unfair treatment of others- if all of us thought logically, we would have less wars, less misunderstandings, more productivity, better social relations, etc.
I can't help but think, though, that we should stop drawing such a stark line between reason and emotion. We should learn to employ a healthy dosage of both and not always in disparate situations. Reason teaches us to make the decisions that have the most favorable consequences by mathematical odds, proven cause + effect relationships, previous life experiences, etc. It increases the chance of us achieving the goals we want. For instance, if I'm trying to impress a girl and I know that she likes an apple-flavored perfume and she hates getting flowers, I'm going to make sure I wear an apple-flavored perfume and don't get her flowers. That will increase the chance of me hooking up with the girl. But notice how the reasoning process is directly linked to the emotion. Why am I trying to hook up with the girl in the first place? Because that's my goal. Why is that my goal? Because I like her. You can't use reason to explain that. Reason can tell you what decisions you should make but only your feelings can empower you with the ability to make those decisions.
I am going to be gone for the month of July to study bioengineering at UCSD... but let's hang out before or after then. PEACE.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
This will be a long post. A lot of things have happened in the last few weeks.
First and foremost, my computer was infected by a horrible spyware last Sunday. I am pretty knowledgeable when it comes to protecting the computer and all, but this was one tough bastard. What an epic battle. So this is how it went down. I left the computer for about ten minutes and then came back in the room and then saw this mob of huge black cyber beetles crawling all over my screen. They were like those beetles that invaded our school, except these sons of bitches secreted semen. That's right. They were skeeting all over my nature wallpaper, covering my sunset background with blue love juice. Which sick bastard would create such a spyware? Anyway it turns out that the beetles are part of a screensaver... except I don't have a screensaver.
So as you can imagine, I was panicking and busting out Spybot and Ad-aware. I managed to get the spyware out but then somehow it sabotaged my Internet connection on its way out. So I gave a call to Time Warner Cable, which I hate doing. A young woman answered the phone, and I was wondering whether she was Indian or not but I couldn't tell. She started walking me through the basic crap like restarting the modem and unplugging the router.
And then the moment of truth came. She told me to run "ipconfig" on the computer. To help me spell that, she said: "I for India... P for Peter..." Right when I heard "I for India," I half-grunted and half-laughed. I for India? Really now? But then it got better. She put me on hold for 30 minutes... and then transferred me to a customer representative in Maine. The guy in Maine had to laugh when I told him my address because, you know, Maine is not even close to California. One call back to the California station got me in touch with a different customer representative. I thought I could detect the Indian accent and sure enough, the woman on the phone said "I for India" as she spelled out "ipconfig" for me again. I wonder if this is their way of retaining their cultural heritage and bonding as a group against the vicissitudes of immigrant experience. I sure hope so.
A few days ago my mom got into a car accident. While I was at school, a dude ran into her bumper at a parking lot. The car only suffered a few bumps and scratches in the back, and my mom wasn't hurt. It was the dude's fault for bumping into her, and they apparently negotiated for a settlement of $100. My mom is very sharp when it comes to these things, and she made sure she got the compensation (she followed him to his house when he said he didn't have his checkbook, then she didn't trust his bulky checkbook so she had him give the money in cash). Then after talking to me about it, my mom started feeling sorry she took the money.
You know that quote in The Catcher in the Rye about all mothers being slightly crazy? Well my mom is pretty crazy. She has these completely false theories about how the world works, and she makes hasty generalizations about things based on the first impressions. So she starts describing the guy to me: he is middle-aged Caucasian male, he was wearing a shabby gray shirt, he lived in an apartment home and his car was old so he was probably single and poor. But based on his facial expression, she thought he was a nice person. He submitted meekly to her requests after the accident and made sure she was all right. Then she tells me that the guy's nails were all chewed up, which means he was probably a nervous person and therefore had lots of things to worry about like relationships and financial security. She remembers the top of his hands being slightly darkened and oily so she thinks he was a car mechanic maybe. By this time I knew my mom was going off on her extrapolations but I was quite impressed by her observations. And I was starting to feel pretty sorry for the guy too. My mom is thinking about returning the money since she knows where he lives. I suggested she buy him lunch instead.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be human. Really, what sets apart humans from other living creatures? The first and foremost thing that comes to mind for me is morals. Humans have come up with this thing called morals, which force them to hold back their instinctive behavior and desires so that they can "do the right thing." But it's interesting that the human morals are different across time and place. You look at the past and some parts of the world today, and people tolerate things like abuse against women or persecution of a religious group. And really, that's why there are so many conflicts and wars. We fight over which set of morals is correct.
Still, if you look at the progression of human civilizations over time, there is a general consensus forming about the desired set of morals. Toleration of differences, treating others the way you want to be treated, freedom of speech are just some of the morals that prevail in most parts of the world. This gets me thinking then, just how likely is it that today's semi-universal set of morals prevailed? In other words, what were the chances of humans creating a world like the one today, where they value things like freedom, equality, and respect toward each other? Is it in our nature to create such a world or did it happen by chance? Could humans have created a ruthless competitive society rife with violence and guided by Darwinism alone? It's funny, all humans have is a more complex nervous system than other mammals. Can we attribute a bigger brain to the creation of a collective set of morals?
Sorry about the long boring post today. Next post will be about girls.
First and foremost, my computer was infected by a horrible spyware last Sunday. I am pretty knowledgeable when it comes to protecting the computer and all, but this was one tough bastard. What an epic battle. So this is how it went down. I left the computer for about ten minutes and then came back in the room and then saw this mob of huge black cyber beetles crawling all over my screen. They were like those beetles that invaded our school, except these sons of bitches secreted semen. That's right. They were skeeting all over my nature wallpaper, covering my sunset background with blue love juice. Which sick bastard would create such a spyware? Anyway it turns out that the beetles are part of a screensaver... except I don't have a screensaver.
So as you can imagine, I was panicking and busting out Spybot and Ad-aware. I managed to get the spyware out but then somehow it sabotaged my Internet connection on its way out. So I gave a call to Time Warner Cable, which I hate doing. A young woman answered the phone, and I was wondering whether she was Indian or not but I couldn't tell. She started walking me through the basic crap like restarting the modem and unplugging the router.
And then the moment of truth came. She told me to run "ipconfig" on the computer. To help me spell that, she said: "I for India... P for Peter..." Right when I heard "I for India," I half-grunted and half-laughed. I for India? Really now? But then it got better. She put me on hold for 30 minutes... and then transferred me to a customer representative in Maine. The guy in Maine had to laugh when I told him my address because, you know, Maine is not even close to California. One call back to the California station got me in touch with a different customer representative. I thought I could detect the Indian accent and sure enough, the woman on the phone said "I for India" as she spelled out "ipconfig" for me again. I wonder if this is their way of retaining their cultural heritage and bonding as a group against the vicissitudes of immigrant experience. I sure hope so.
A few days ago my mom got into a car accident. While I was at school, a dude ran into her bumper at a parking lot. The car only suffered a few bumps and scratches in the back, and my mom wasn't hurt. It was the dude's fault for bumping into her, and they apparently negotiated for a settlement of $100. My mom is very sharp when it comes to these things, and she made sure she got the compensation (she followed him to his house when he said he didn't have his checkbook, then she didn't trust his bulky checkbook so she had him give the money in cash). Then after talking to me about it, my mom started feeling sorry she took the money.
You know that quote in The Catcher in the Rye about all mothers being slightly crazy? Well my mom is pretty crazy. She has these completely false theories about how the world works, and she makes hasty generalizations about things based on the first impressions. So she starts describing the guy to me: he is middle-aged Caucasian male, he was wearing a shabby gray shirt, he lived in an apartment home and his car was old so he was probably single and poor. But based on his facial expression, she thought he was a nice person. He submitted meekly to her requests after the accident and made sure she was all right. Then she tells me that the guy's nails were all chewed up, which means he was probably a nervous person and therefore had lots of things to worry about like relationships and financial security. She remembers the top of his hands being slightly darkened and oily so she thinks he was a car mechanic maybe. By this time I knew my mom was going off on her extrapolations but I was quite impressed by her observations. And I was starting to feel pretty sorry for the guy too. My mom is thinking about returning the money since she knows where he lives. I suggested she buy him lunch instead.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be human. Really, what sets apart humans from other living creatures? The first and foremost thing that comes to mind for me is morals. Humans have come up with this thing called morals, which force them to hold back their instinctive behavior and desires so that they can "do the right thing." But it's interesting that the human morals are different across time and place. You look at the past and some parts of the world today, and people tolerate things like abuse against women or persecution of a religious group. And really, that's why there are so many conflicts and wars. We fight over which set of morals is correct.
Still, if you look at the progression of human civilizations over time, there is a general consensus forming about the desired set of morals. Toleration of differences, treating others the way you want to be treated, freedom of speech are just some of the morals that prevail in most parts of the world. This gets me thinking then, just how likely is it that today's semi-universal set of morals prevailed? In other words, what were the chances of humans creating a world like the one today, where they value things like freedom, equality, and respect toward each other? Is it in our nature to create such a world or did it happen by chance? Could humans have created a ruthless competitive society rife with violence and guided by Darwinism alone? It's funny, all humans have is a more complex nervous system than other mammals. Can we attribute a bigger brain to the creation of a collective set of morals?
Sorry about the long boring post today. Next post will be about girls.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Bye bye AP Tests
We're finally done. Ok I still have AP Lang tomorrow but I am going to just wing it because I am a fob and one night of cramming won't refine my linguistic sensibilities. In retrospect, Calc AB was ok, APUSH was pretty hard, Bio FRQ was ridiculous, and Chem was pretty hard. At the beginning of the year, it seemed that the year would never end but time's been moving pretty fast now that I think about it. Now we are ready to be seniors. Scary.
Dining in the Dark last Friday was amazing. We were expecting around 100 people to show up and got about 260. We started running out of tables and chairs so the extra guests just dragged tables and chairs from some other rooms and formed their own communities. Props to Peter Kim for getting volunteers for the event. Without them, serving the food for that many guests would have been impossible. I stayed in the kitchen for most of the event. The volunteers and I formed our very own child-labor assembly line and prepared the dishes. I was the bread and butter guy and damn good at it. But really, serving food for 260 people was much more time-consuming than I thought. I was standing there with bread and butter for what seemed like hours, and then someone came in to say that 75 guests still needed to be served. We ran out of meatballs but I think it worked out all right.
The best part about the event was the talent show. Peter and An delivered an awesome performance. It was actually my first time seeing Peter play the guitar and I thought he would look funny but he looked natural. An's voice really surprised me above anything else. I don't think most people are aware that An can sing damn well. What I will always remember is that during his rendition of What a Wonderful World, a blind girl in the audience just stood up and swayed to the music, despite her mother's chiding. A blind girl and a choir director sang after them, and they were amazing too. Just an awesome experience overall.
When I look back at my experience at Oxford, one thing I will definitely remember is eating lunch by the basketball courts. It started in either seventh or eighth grade, and we the original founding fathers of the sacred playground are still upholding the tradition. I remember about two weeks ago, the basketball courts were shut off so that new courts could be built, and I felt like a displaced refugee. The basketball courts are our natural habitat. There are many memories from those courts that I cherish: Peter Kim breaking Jun's ankles in seventh grade, Alan Nguyen going through a week of shooting superstardom, Chad being Chad. Good stuff.
Recently I've been wondering about whether or not I really care about other people, whether there are common characteristics in people I do care about, and what my motives may be for caring. Because the act of caring is strangely linked to my psychological health, I've been questioning my intention. But I think I can safely say now that acts of kindness I do for others are inspired only by the act of caring. I wonder what the origin of all that is. Whatever it is, I'm glad humans have it.
Dining in the Dark last Friday was amazing. We were expecting around 100 people to show up and got about 260. We started running out of tables and chairs so the extra guests just dragged tables and chairs from some other rooms and formed their own communities. Props to Peter Kim for getting volunteers for the event. Without them, serving the food for that many guests would have been impossible. I stayed in the kitchen for most of the event. The volunteers and I formed our very own child-labor assembly line and prepared the dishes. I was the bread and butter guy and damn good at it. But really, serving food for 260 people was much more time-consuming than I thought. I was standing there with bread and butter for what seemed like hours, and then someone came in to say that 75 guests still needed to be served. We ran out of meatballs but I think it worked out all right.
The best part about the event was the talent show. Peter and An delivered an awesome performance. It was actually my first time seeing Peter play the guitar and I thought he would look funny but he looked natural. An's voice really surprised me above anything else. I don't think most people are aware that An can sing damn well. What I will always remember is that during his rendition of What a Wonderful World, a blind girl in the audience just stood up and swayed to the music, despite her mother's chiding. A blind girl and a choir director sang after them, and they were amazing too. Just an awesome experience overall.
When I look back at my experience at Oxford, one thing I will definitely remember is eating lunch by the basketball courts. It started in either seventh or eighth grade, and we the original founding fathers of the sacred playground are still upholding the tradition. I remember about two weeks ago, the basketball courts were shut off so that new courts could be built, and I felt like a displaced refugee. The basketball courts are our natural habitat. There are many memories from those courts that I cherish: Peter Kim breaking Jun's ankles in seventh grade, Alan Nguyen going through a week of shooting superstardom, Chad being Chad. Good stuff.
Recently I've been wondering about whether or not I really care about other people, whether there are common characteristics in people I do care about, and what my motives may be for caring. Because the act of caring is strangely linked to my psychological health, I've been questioning my intention. But I think I can safely say now that acts of kindness I do for others are inspired only by the act of caring. I wonder what the origin of all that is. Whatever it is, I'm glad humans have it.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Things
For everyone getting stressed out about the upcoming AP tests, let's keep our heads up for two and a half more weeks. Really, that's how much time is left and it'll all be over before we know it. Then it's PARTY TIME!
Today I got a haircut and it's really pissing me off. My barber must have had a spurt of creativity and decided to experiment on me as a guinea pig. Basically it looks like I have a fucking propeller on my head. Symmetrically it makes no sense at all. I have a Berlin Wall at the left side of my head and then a much bolder and outrageous Great Wall of China at the right. When I got home and took a closer look (I was sleeping while getting my hair cut), I started yelling out names of ethnic headwear that my hair resembled. Man I feel duped.
For those of you who didn't have a chance to read my article in The Gamut, the Dinner in the Dark Event is on Friday, May 9 from 6:30 to 9:00 p.m. Teenagers at Braille Institute are holding the charity event to raise money for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. If you are interested in coming, you will be served dinner blindfolded to simulate what it's like to be blind. Tickets are $10, but the food will be awesome, and there will also be musical performances by students from different high schools. Let me know if you are interested.
So I asked Kat to prom last week. It was really a spur of the moment thing (at midnight before the ticket prices rose) because I never gave prom too much serious thought. Anyway I had no idea how I was going to ask her so I thought about it in the shower the next morning. Then I remembered Will Nguyen's idea about using Common's I Used to Love Her and then figured I may just rap it. After all, I've listened to the song tons of times so it shouldn't be that hard. I would just have to change some words around (I almost missed the line "A few New York niggas had did her in the park" ) and then set it up for APUSH class.
I woke Will up at 6:45 in the morning and he was kind enough to find me the instrumentals. Then I set it up with Casanova and all was good. The actual "performance". It's really hard for me to describe what I was feeling up there. It was easily the most nervewracking experience in my life. I was scared, pissed, frustrated, embarrassed all at the same time. This beat out all of my previous failures in life and all of my previous embarrassments including the time I accidentally read my diary aloud in elementary school. This beat out Kobe's adultery expose, Bill Clinton's White House affair, Nixon's humming over Watergate tapes, Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo, Kwame Brown being drafted first, etc. But nevertheless, I'm glad I did it and I hope Kat has fun.
Song of the hour: Masta Ace- Brooklyn Masala
Today I got a haircut and it's really pissing me off. My barber must have had a spurt of creativity and decided to experiment on me as a guinea pig. Basically it looks like I have a fucking propeller on my head. Symmetrically it makes no sense at all. I have a Berlin Wall at the left side of my head and then a much bolder and outrageous Great Wall of China at the right. When I got home and took a closer look (I was sleeping while getting my hair cut), I started yelling out names of ethnic headwear that my hair resembled. Man I feel duped.
For those of you who didn't have a chance to read my article in The Gamut, the Dinner in the Dark Event is on Friday, May 9 from 6:30 to 9:00 p.m. Teenagers at Braille Institute are holding the charity event to raise money for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. If you are interested in coming, you will be served dinner blindfolded to simulate what it's like to be blind. Tickets are $10, but the food will be awesome, and there will also be musical performances by students from different high schools. Let me know if you are interested.
So I asked Kat to prom last week. It was really a spur of the moment thing (at midnight before the ticket prices rose) because I never gave prom too much serious thought. Anyway I had no idea how I was going to ask her so I thought about it in the shower the next morning. Then I remembered Will Nguyen's idea about using Common's I Used to Love Her and then figured I may just rap it. After all, I've listened to the song tons of times so it shouldn't be that hard. I would just have to change some words around (I almost missed the line "A few New York niggas had did her in the park" ) and then set it up for APUSH class.
I woke Will up at 6:45 in the morning and he was kind enough to find me the instrumentals. Then I set it up with Casanova and all was good. The actual "performance". It's really hard for me to describe what I was feeling up there. It was easily the most nervewracking experience in my life. I was scared, pissed, frustrated, embarrassed all at the same time. This beat out all of my previous failures in life and all of my previous embarrassments including the time I accidentally read my diary aloud in elementary school. This beat out Kobe's adultery expose, Bill Clinton's White House affair, Nixon's humming over Watergate tapes, Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo, Kwame Brown being drafted first, etc. But nevertheless, I'm glad I did it and I hope Kat has fun.
Song of the hour: Masta Ace- Brooklyn Masala
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